i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
