OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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