I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
