11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
