SEEEEXXX PLEASE
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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