sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize