Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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