remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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