broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
