I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize