break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize