cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
