I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize