me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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