you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am one with the molecules
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
