Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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