Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
