I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
