i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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