I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize