There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
