Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Let's get the cat blown out
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
