Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
