Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
