Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
