She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
