Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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