cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
