I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
