please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
