im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
