I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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