You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
