I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Drake has all the answers
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
