names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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