I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
