I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
