I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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