Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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