he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
