you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
