I want to make a zoo with you.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
