Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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