I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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