Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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