btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
