I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
