I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
