you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize