Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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