I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
