where am i from again
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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