She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
