I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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