shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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