It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I see more hoeing in ur future
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
