piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
