I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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