if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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