I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
