I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
