So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
