I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
