An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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