The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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