shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
