He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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